In our relations with others, one of the most challenging realities we face is rejection and misunderstanding. Peter realizes this, and he asks the Lord how often we must forgive those who hurt or reject us. In reply to his suggestion - "Seven times?" which seems very virtuous, Jesus replies: "No! Rather seventy times seven times!" The scripture scholars tell us this huge number (490 times) means "Indefinitely, for as long as we live".

This is a very demanding ideal. I find that the most common thing good people confess is their difficulty in forgiving those who have offended them. Is Jesus presenting an impossible ideal? I think not, provided we understand Him correctly. As I often tell penitents, forgiveness (like all virtue) is in the will, not in the feelings.

What do I mean? Hurt feelings are perfectly normal, and we do not have the power to control them totally. But when they surface, we should (in our will) surrender the hurt and the judgment of the offender to the Lord. We should learn to say: "Lord, I do feel hurt by what this person has done. But you are the judge, not me! I cannot read their heart, their intentions. That I must leave to you. Just give me the grace to resist the devil's temptation to brood over past hurts. Let me surrender them to you, the only just Judge, so that I can be free to get on with loving you." That is the real meaning of the "seventy times seven times"!