August 2009 The Road to Daybreak A Spiritual Journey by Henri J M Nouwen

Continue from ...... John's Agony My time with John and Rose showed me the ravaging power of AIDS. John could hardly stay quiet for a minute. Like a wild animal caught in a cage, he could find no rest, and his whole body moved in pain. To see his agony and not be able to do anything, to know that he would only get worse, was nearly intolerable. But I was struck by the care which surrounded him. Many AIDS patients are rejected by family and friends. But Rose's love for her son grew stronger every day of his illness. No condemnation, no accusation, no rejection, but love as only a mother can give. And Mike, John's companion, gave every minute of his time and every ounce of his energy to his sick friend. No complaints, no signs of irritation, just faithful presence. Mike knew that John would die soon. But it could be a week, a month, a year, or longer. He wanted only one thing: for John to feel a little better and be comfortable during the time that was left to him. "I don't believe in God, " Mike said, "But if John wants to pray with you, please pray with him. Do anything that is good for John. That's all that matters to me." After I returned to Cambridge John began to recover somewhat. He left the hospital and found a small apartment where he could live with Mike. People from the hospice came daily to care for John while Mike went to work. In August I saw John again. He was less restless but suffered from terrible dizziness. "I want to die," he said. "I cannot bear this dizziness any longer." I asked him to accept death when it came, and not to hasten it. We spoke about Rose's and Mike's love and how much he meant to them. "Try to live for them as long as God wants you to." I said. He asked me to give him the sacrament of the sick - "the last rites," as he called them. He said, "I was baptized and received my First Communion, and I also want to receive the last rites before I die. Will you give me the sacrament?" He wanted to be alone with me. We sat together at the kitchen table. We prayed the Twenty-third Psalm again. I blessed him, crossed his forehead and hands with sacred oil, and prayer for healing - but also for the grace to die with Christ. Together we said, "Our Father, who art in ehaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. He said, "Thank you very much." and added in his typical understated way, "This certainly can't hurt me." Afterwards I talked with Mike for a moment. "I am afraid he won't live into the next year," Mike said. "I can't even imagine what it will mean to be without him." I saw Mike's deep suffering. All the attention was on John, but Mike needed support too. Rose knew this and gave him all she could. When Rose called me yesterday, she said, "Mike and I cried the whole afternoon yesterday. We had to. I am so glad that Mike and I can support each other. We both miss him so much."

- To Be Continued - © Copyright Shalom 2009. All rights reserved.