March 2009 The Road to Daybreak A Spiritual Journey by Henri J M Nouwen

Continue from ...... The Agony of Parents At 9am I went to Pere Thomas for spiritual direction. I asked him about my need for affection. I told him that getting older had not lessened that need, and that I feared it might prevent rather than help the development of my spiritual life. It took me about five minutes to express my problem. Pere Thomas responded with a two-hour answer! It was a sermon, a lecture, and an exhortation, as well as a very personal response to my question. After half an hour I was so tired from trying to grasp fully the meaning of his words, as well as his difficult French, that I interrupted him by saying, "Thank you so much, that gives me enough to think about for a long time." But the good Pere gave me another hour and a half of profound ideas and insights that will keep me going forever! At first I felt overwhelmed by this long theological reflection, but now I realize that Pere Thomas wanted to help me to think differently before helping me to feel differently. I will try to write down here at least some of his thoughts. He started by saying that, for many of us in this highly psychologized culture, affection has become the central concern. We have come to judge ourselves in terms of the affection that is given or refused to us. The media - television, radio, magazines, and advertisements - have strongly reinforced the idea that human affection is what we really need. Being loved, like, appreciated, praised, acknowledged, recognized, etc. - these are the most desired prizes of life. The lack of these forms of affection can throw us into an abyss of loneliness and depression, and even lead us to suicide. We have developed great sophistication in analyzing the many nuances of our affections and developed a rich language which allows us to express how we feel about ourselves and others at different times and in different situations. We have become highly developed psychological beings, and the range of our emotions and feelings regarding personal and interpersonal experiences has become increasingly wide. I very much agree with Pere Thomas's viewpoint. During my years at Harvard, much was said about the giving of love in its many expressions, as well as about the withholding of love through anger, resentment, and indignation. But the highly nuanced psychological language used, even at the divinity school, made spiritual and theological language sound irrelevant, superficial, and even offensive. But it is precisely this highly developed psychological consciousness that sometimes prevents us from reaching that place in us where the healing powers are hidden. Pere Thomas's greatest gift, as I see it, is his ability to speak about that place and mobilize its hidden gifts. He calls that place the heart.

- To Be Continued - © Copyright Shalom 2009. All rights reserved.