November 2009 The Road to Daybreak A Spiritual Journey by Henri J M Nouwen

Continue from ...... Cries of Affection One letter writer says: "I have a need for affection, for tenderness, but where can I find that in this indifferent world?" Another says: "I have no friends anymore ... I ask your help to be able to live again with normal people who don't need drugs or alcohol to exist!" Another: "I need someone to help me. I need someone who loves me ... without that I feel myself slowly dying." Another: "I have never been looked at or listened to. I do not count anymore, I do not exist anymore." Much suffering in our time is caused by this need for affection. An increasing number of people have no home. They live alone in small rooms hidden away in large cities. When they return from work there is nobody to welcome them, kiss them, embrace them, and ask them, "How was your day?" There is nobody to cry with, laugh with, walk with, eat with, or just sit with. Michel, eighteen years of age, writes, "Let me appear on radio or television so that I can cry out about the pain of young men who have never been loved, who have been shuffled from place to place, who have never known the love of a family." This is a cry for a real neighbour, for someone who is willing to be close, who gives not just food, a house, or a job, but the sense of being loved. Where are the people who can offer this closeness to their lonely brothers and sisters? As I think about these questions, I vividly remember Pere Thomas' views about the human need for affection. I agree with his viewpoint that in our psychological culture, human affection has become a central concern. I also realize more than ever before that a new knowledge of God's unconditional love is needed. But reading these desperate cries for affection, I wonder how this unconditional divine love can be experienced in our media-controlled milieu. One thing is becoming clear to me: God became flesh for us to show us that the way to come in touch with God's love is the human way, in which the limited and partial affection that people can give offers access to the unlimited and complete love that God has poured into the human heart. God's love cannot be found outside this human affection, even when that human affection is tainted by the brokenness of our time. Forgiving the Hurt Tonight Jonas arrived. He came directly from Cambridge and will be here in Trosly for ten days. The depression that hit me when he didn't visit during his September vacation in France has lurked under the surface of my mostly cheerful life. Jonas' visit is very important to me. It will not be an easy time for me, as I need to find ways to forgive him and deepen our friendship. But I trust that God will help me to go beyond my feelings of rejection and find reconciliation. Sharing the Gifts Jonas and I spent the day visiting the community. Because he raised many questions from the perspective of a pyschologist, I learned much about L'Arche that I had never considered before. I was also reminded of the centrality of "living L'Arche," that is, living in intimate communion with the handicapped. As elsewhere, work is important, the development of behavioral skills is imporant, health and education are important - but they are all secondary to a life lived together in a community of love. There are doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, physical therapists, and nurses, but they are all consultants more than leaders. The professionals are here to help the assistants live with the handicapped in a creative, supportive, and healing way. It is also important that the handicapped people develop as much physical and emotional independence as possible, but never disregarding community life. The central words here are not "equal rights" but rather "sharing the gifts". The handicapped people are different from their assistants, but within their differences lie gifts which need to be discovered, acknowledged, and shared. The handicapped people and the assistants need each other, through sometimes in different ways. Together they seek to form a true fellowship of the weak, always thanking and praising God for the fragile gift of life.

- To Be Continued - © Copyright Shalom 2009. All rights reserved.