March 2010 The Road to Daybreak A Spiritual Journey by Henri J M Nouwen

Continue from ...... When our love is rooted in God's love, we can carry the burden of life and discover it to be light. Jesus calls us: "Come to me, all you who labour and are overburdened, and I will give you rest. Shoulder my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart… Yes, my yoke is easy and my burden light" (Mt. 12:28-30). The burden of Jesus is the burden of all human suffering, but when we take on that burden in communion with him, it proves to be light and easy. Personally, I think that living close to handicapped people, as do the L'Arche assistants, is impossible unless one draws upon the love of Christ. Without this love, such a life leads to "burnout." But when this love is deep and strong and constantly nurtured by the community, the handicapped people can become conductors of the vision of that greater love which holds us safely. Thus a new type of distance develops: not a professional distance, which protects us from getting too close to the world's pain, but a spiritual distance, which allows us to let that pain become a light burden. Struggling with the Nature of Friendship Maintaining spiritual distance is a more personal matter than I realized yesterday. It is essential to the understanding and living of true friendship. Jonas and I are trying to deal with our friendship. In the beginning we touched upon it only indirectly, but in the past few days we have been able to explore our relationship more directly. It is hard for me to speak of my feelings of being rejected or imposed upon, of my desire for affirmation as well as my need for space, of insecurity and mistrusts, of fear and love. But as I entered into these feelings, I also discovered the real problem - expecting from a friend what only Christ can give. I feel so easily rejected. When a friend does not come, a letter is not written, or an invitation not extended, I begin to feel unwanted and disliked. I gravitate towards dark feelings of low self-esteem and become depressed. Once depressed, I tend to interpret even innocent gestures as proofs of my self-chosen darkness, from which it is harder and harder to return. Looking carefully at this vicious cycle of self-rejection and speaking about it directly with Jonas is a good way to start moving in the opposite direction. Two things happened when Jonas and I spoke. First he forced me to move out of the centre! He too has a life, he too has his struggles, he too has unfulfilled needs and imperfections. As I tried to understand his life, I felt a deep compassion and a desire to comfort and console him. I no longer felt so strongly the need to judge him for not paying enough attention to me. It is so easy to convince yourself that you are the one who needs all the attention. But once you can see the other concretely in his or her life situation, you can step back a bit from yourself and understand that, in a true friendship, two people make a dance.

- To Be Continued - © Copyright Shalom 2010. All rights reserved.