May 2012 The Road to Daybreak A Spiritual Journey by Henri J M Nouwen

Continue from ...... The Struggle of Prayer Prayer continues to be very difficult. Still, every morning when I walk in the garden of La Ferme saying the rosary and spending an hour in the oratory simply being in God's presence, I know that I am not wasting my time. Though I am terribly distracted, I know that God's spirit is at work in me. Though I have no deeply religious insights or feelings, I am aware of the peace beyond thoughts and emotions. Though my early-morning prayer seems quite unsucessful, I always look forward to it and guard it as a special time. A short piece on prayer by Dom John Chapman published in the December 14th (1985) Tablet has given me much hope. It is taken from one of his spiritual letters. He writes: Prayer, in the sense of union with God, is the most crucifying thing there is. One must do it for God's sake; but one will not get any satisfaction out of it, in the sense of feeling "I am good at prayer. I have an infallible method." That would be disastrous, since what we want to learn is precisely our own weakness, powerlessness, unworthiness. Nor ought one to expect "a sense of the reality of the supernatural' of which I speak. And one shoud wish for no prayer, except precisely the prayer that God gives us - probably very distracted and unsatisfactory in every way. On the other hand, the only way to pray is to pray; and the way to pray well is to pray much. If one has no time for this, then one must at least pray regularly. But the less one prays, the worse it goes. And if circumstances do not permit even regularity, then one must put up with the fact that when one does try to pray, one can't pray - and our prayer will probably consist of telling this to God. As to beginnning afresh, or where you left off, I don't think you have any choice. You simply have to begin wherever you find yourself. Make any acts you want to make and feel you ought to make, but do not force yourself into feelings of any kind. You say very naturally that you do not know what to do if you have a quarter of an hour alone in church. Yes, I suspect the only thing to do is to shut out the church and everything else, and just give yourself to God and beg him to have mercy on you, and offer him all your distractions. The sentence that I like most is, "... the ony way to pray is to pray; and the way to pray well is to pray much." Chapman's sound wisdom really helps me. No-nonsense advice, and very true. It all boils down to his main point: We must pray not first of all because it feels good or helps, but because God loves us and wants our attention. Choosing the Way to Humility Today (January 12, 1986) is the feast of the baptism of the Lord. I have been thinking much about this feast, yesterday and today. Jesus, who is without sin, stands in line with sinners waiting to be baptized by John. As Jesus starts his ministry, he chooses to enter into solidarity with sinful humanity. "John tried to dissuade him with the words 'It is I who need baptism from you, and yet you come to me.' But Jeus replied, 'Leave it like this for the time being; it is fitting that we should, in this way, do all that uprightness demands'" (Mt. 3:14-15). Here we see how Jesus clearly chooses the way of humility. He does not appear with great fanfare as a powerful saviour, announcing a new order. On the contrary, he comes quietly, with the many sinners who are receiving a baptism of repentance. His choice is affirmed by the voice from heaven: "This is my Son, the Beloved my favours rests on him" (Mt. 3:17). How radical this choice is becomes clear in the temptations that follow. The devil suggests another option: "Be relevant, do something spectacular, accept world power." This is the way of the world. Jesus rejects this option and chooses God's way, a way of humility revealing itself gradually to be the way of the cross. It is hard to believe that God would reveal his divine presence to us in the self-emptying, humble way of the man from Nazareth. So much in me seeks influence, power success, and popularity. But the way of Jesus is the way of hiddenness, powerlessness, and littleness. It does not seem a very appealing way. Yet when I enter into true, deep communion with Jesus I will find that it is this small way that leads to real peace and joy. At this feast of the Lord's baptism, I pray for the courage to choose the small way and to keep choosing it. L'Arche will certainly help me in this.

- To Be Continued - © Copyright Shalom 2012. All rights reserved.