September 2012 The Road to Daybreak A Spiritual Journey by Henri J M Nouwen

Continue from ...... In Search of Meaning Predictability: Virtue and Liability Living in a country in which little or no place remains for the unexpected or the surprising, the reading about David's election by Samuel and his victory over Goliath offers a real warning to me. I must confess that I like the predictability of life as it is lived here. When people tell me that they will pick me up at 4pm, they do not come a minute earlier or later. When the concert is supposed to start at 5pm, the first organ tones can be heard a moment after the clock has sounded its five strokes. When they tell me that the meal will be served at 6.15pm, it is served at 6.15pm. And the places are as proper as the times are precise. Everything has its place. Returning to my room after breakfast, I find everything back in the place where it was before I touched it. For the time being, this great predictability offers me much peace. The absence of the unexpected allows me to work steadily on the realization of my plans. but still, David was the least expected king and his victory over Goliath the least predictable outcome of the battle with the Philistines. And what about Jesus, the "son of David"? Of him Nathanael says, "What good can come from Nazareth?" (John. 1:46). And many of Jesus' followers lived lives as surprising as that of their master. There is a way of organizing life that leaves no room for the unpredictable. Maybe that explains that while many young German men and women have spent long periods of time at L'Arche in France, they have not yet been able to build L'Arche communities in Germany itself. Care for the handicapped in Germany is so well organized that the rather casual, somewhat free-floating style of L'Arche finds little acceptance. But can the spirit of God be bound? Jesus says, "The wind blows where it pleases ... so it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit" (John. 3:8). And Paul writes, "Do not stifle the Spirit" (1 Thessalonians 5:19). If I want to get my work done, Germany is probably the best place to be. But if I want to give the spirit a real chance to work in me, I had better keep some of the French "laissez-faire" alive within me. Proclaiming the Riches of Christ Today, my fifty-fourth birthday, the text of the first reading of the liturgy in honour of St Francis de Sales summarizes my feelings succinctly. Paul writes to the Ephesians: "I, who am less than the least of all God's holy people, have been entrusted with this special grace, of proclaiming to the Gentiles the unfathomable treasure of Christ and of throwing light on the inner workings of the mystery kept hidden through all the ages in God, the Creator of everything" (Ephesians 3:8-9). As I reflect on my life today, I feel indeed like the least of God's holy people. Looking back, I realize that I am still struggling with the same problems I had on the day of my ordination twenty-nine years ago. Notwithstanding my many prayers, my periods of retreat, and the advice from many friends, counsellors, and confessors, very little, if anything, has changed with regard to my search for inner unity and peace. I am still the restless, nervous, intense, distracted, and impulse-driven person I was when I set out on this spiritual journey. At times this obvious lack of inner maturation depresses me as I enter into the "mature" years. But I have one source of consolation. More than ever I feel the desire to proclaim "the unfathomable riches of Christ" and to throw light "on the inner working of the mystery kept hidden through al the ages in God." This desire has grown in intensity and urgency. I want to speak about the riches of Christ much more than when I was ordained in 1957. I vividly remember that the man who ordained me, Bernard Cardinal Alfrink, had written, on his coat of arms, "Evangelizare Divitias Christi" ("to proclaim the riches of Christ"). Today, when I read these same words in the liturgy, I realize that I have made these words increasingly my own. I really do want to speak loudly and clearly about the great riches of Christ. I want to do it simply, directly, plainly, and with deep personal conviction. Here I feel that something has grown in me. Here I sense that I am not the same person that I was twenty-nine years ago. Maybe an increasing awarfeness of my sinfulness, as well as an increasing desire to make known the unfathomable riches of Christ, will prevent me from becoming proud, self-righteousness, manipulative, and oppressive. I pray today that my sins will make me humble and my call to witness for Christ courageous. Francis de Sales is the best possible example I can have on this day to thank God for my life and to ask for faithfulness to the ministry given to me.

- To Be Continued - © Copyright Shalom 2012. All rights reserved.