Aug 2010 The Road to Daybreak A Spiritual Journey by Henri J M Nouwen

Continue from ...... Be Faithful in Your Adoration Father George Strohmeyer, the co-founder of L'Arche community in Erie, Pennsylvania, is visiting for a few weeks. This morning I had a chance to speak with him about being a priest for L'Arche. He told me about his "conversion" when he came to Trosly for the first time. His hours of adoration in front of the Blessed Sacrament and his contacts with Pere Thomas were the two main causes behind his more radical turn to Jesus. As he told his story, it became clear that Jesus is at the centre of his life. This would seem obvious for a priest, but such is not always the case. George has come to know Jesus in a way few priests have. When he pronounces the name of Jesus you know that he speaks from a deep, intimate encounter. His life has become simpler, more hidden, more rooted, more trusting, more open, more evangelical, and more peaceful. For George, being a priest at L'Arche means leading people - the handicapped and their assistants - always closer to Jesus. I now know for sure that there is a long, hard journey ahead of me. It is the journey of leaving everything behind for Jesus' sake. I now know that there is a way of living, praying, being with people, caring, eating, drinking, sleeping, reading, and writing in which Jesus is truly the centre. I know from Jean Vanier, from Pere Thomas, and from the many assistants who live here that this way exists and that I have not fully found it yet. How do I find it? George gave me the answer: "Be faithful in your adoration." He did not say "prayer" or "meditation" or "contemplation." He kept using the word "adoration." This word makes it clear that all the attention must be on Jesus and not on me. To adore is to be drawn away from my own preocupations into the presence of Jesus. It means letting go of what I want, desire, and have planned and fully trusting Jesus and his love. Talking to George creates a certain jealousy in me. It seems as if he stands on the other side of the river and calls me to jump in and swim. But I am afraid; I think I will drown. I think I am not prepared to let go of all the good things on my side of the river. But I also want to be where he is; I sense the freedom, joy, and peace he has found. There is a clarity about him that I lack, an utter simplicity, a total commitment, and a vision that do not come from reading or studying but are a gift from God. I am jealous but also ambivalent, hesitant, and doubting. There is a voice in me that says, "You don't want to become a fanatic, a sectarian, a Jesus freak, a narrow-minded enthusiast ... you want to remain open to many ways of being, explore many options, be informed about many things ..." I know that this is not the voice I should trust. It is the voice that keeps me from making a full commitment to Jesus and from truly seeing the way God wants me to be in the world. To give, not from my wealth but from my want, as the widow of Jerusalem who donated her last coin, that is the great challenge of the Gospel. When I look critically at my life, I find that my generosity always occurs in the context of great wealth. I give some of my money, some of my time, some of my energy, and some of my thoughts to God and others, but enough money, time, energy, and thoughts always remain to maintain my own security. Thus I never really give God a chance to show me his boundless love.

- To Be Continued - © Copyright Shalom 2010. All rights reserved.